Charles Kurniawan

After that bloody day… I am officially become a father..

check this out…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JxQ298IGrI

welcome to life nanamy (no name yet)

I heard this song during my flight from singapore to sydney.. really nice song.. love it…

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can’t break my spirit - it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

Wew.. cukup lama juga aku sudah ga pernah nulis blog. Selama ini dah ga ada waktu atau ga ada apa apa yg mau di tulis. Rasanya aku terlalu sibuk ama toko sampai thing yang aku sering notice ato semua pop out ideaku ga ada semua. Kadang aku kerasa ini toko ga baek deh. Emang sih generate decent income tapi rasanya buat hari hariku jadi gitu gitu aja sampai ga ada kehidupan. Aku kerasa jadi lebih tua sebelon waktunya… Aku rasa mesti cari cara gimana aku isa stay out of this job jadi isa ada waktu yg aku isa melakukan hobi hobi ku atau life goalku.

Anyway, tahun ini tahun yang paling rame family eventnya.

Tahun ini dapet 2 keponakan cewe lahir, Sophia Lee ama Josephine Kurniawan. Lucu banget ponakanku…. emang setiap orang selalu gini kali ya.. tiap anak sendiri ato ponakan sendiri itu pasti jadi the cutest ever born baby masing masing hehe.. gendut gendut semua lagi.. lahir dengan bobot yg di atas rata rata standard.. ini foto2nya aku post jg.. liat betapa lucu nya mereka.. ponakanku yg di korea persis banget ama kokonya dan super putih.. lah yg di surabaya.. persis sekali ama mamanya.. wah semua anak nya kokoku koq mirip ama iparku ya… kalah gen kali ya… hehe..

(ini fotonya sophia lee - yg josephine masih belon ada)

Tahun ini jg aku ngelamar netty haha… gimana rasanya ya tunangan? as for me, agak aneh sih haha.. beberapa temen abis aku kasih tau aku dah tunangan pasti ketawa dan gimme that look yang rasanya mereka kerasa aneh kalo aku tunangan jg hehe.. and to be honest, aku jg kerasa gitu.. aneh rasanya being enggaged hehe… Well tunangan nya itu sederhana sekali, kumpul keluarga di rumahnya netty.. WEW, saudaranya banyak banget.. banyak tetua2.. hehe.. trus malemnya makan makan keluarga sambil karaokean… (karaokean ini rasanya tradisi palembang nigh.. tiap kali ada pesta makan2.. mereka suka karaokean di depan panggung, nyentrik jg kan hehe)
Dan di taon ini jg aku ama netty bakal married nigh… jadi sekarang jg sibuk.. preparation wedding and preparation for the marriage.. nah, baru baru ini jg banyak temen yg suka tanya nigh gimana preparation weddingnya… hmmm sebenernya kita masih ga yakin nigh ama weddingnya.. apa grand wedding, small wedding party, ato casual wedding or even simpler.. aku sih ga pengen ngecewain si netty nigh ttg wedding party ini.. ga tau dia mo gimana.. soalnya kalo aku…. aku koq rasanya ga peduli ttg weddingnya ya… jadi males mikirin.. ya mungkin aku ga romantis kali ya.. tapi for me its not that important.. ill marry her wherever, whatever she wanted it to be, as long as I marry her.. Sorry ya bojo, kalo aku ga care about the wedding… to me what is more important is aku pengen abisin waktu kita sebelon married ini lebih ngomongin ttg marriage kita… ngomongin family seperti apa yg kita mau, make our family mission statement so we can always get back on track, value value yg mesti kita prioritize the most, dll…

Tapi, walau aku ga care ttg weddingnya.. aku ada beberapa wedding yg aku suka, tapi agak susah untuk merealisasikan… aku pengennya sih di tempat yg aku bener bener suka..
contoh: Top of the mountain in Lake tahoe area… Then we can both play snowboard after the wedding… wew…  ato di La Jolla, San diego.. i love that place…
tapi ini sih susah.. karena ortu ga mau kalo ga ada saudara participated… sedangkan saudara di indo semua… jadi ga jadi deh…

Sebelon aku married, sepupu deketku jg married di sydney, australia.. dia dah kaya adik kandung sendiri.. jadi kita sekeluarga bakal dateng kesana… merry her wedding.. Congrats ya lisa!!.. ga pernah nyangka kita bakal married di taon yg sama hehe.. aku ama dia tuh waktu kecil suka olok2an kelahi mulut hehe.. itu yg aku inget waktu kecil kita.. abis itu aku ke surabaya sekolah dan dah ga terlalu deket lagi… oh well..

Selain juga harus sibuk ngurusi family event.. toko baru jg di target buka tahun ini… wah ini bakal take lots of our effort and time..

Beneran taon yg sangat sibuk… and I thanks to God, that He gave me another memory to be remembered..

Hello again, it’s you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin’ wine, killing time
Trying to solve life’s mysteries

How’s your life, it’s been a while
God it’s good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave

If you don’t know if you should stay
If you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just breathe
There’s nowhere else tonight we should be

You wanna make a memory?

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had.
It’s bittersweet to hear you laugh

Your phone is ringing I don’t wanna ask

If you go now, I’ll understand
If you stay, hey, I’ve got a plan
We’re gonna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory?

—- Bon Jovi / YOU WANT TO MAKE A MEMORY —-

What should I do when  face same problem I had before?

Should I act the same or differently?
is it just to the past when you do differently?

what make it different?

Is it because the condition is different, that I have vow and deeper commitment now than before?

But is it actually worth it?

That for this commitment I let the disgrace to those I once loved the most.

Is it still worth the sacrifice? That I become a man of my word but lose my heart…

Of course,those who broke promise or escape from his commitment are called TRASH…
But…
Those who abandoned the one they loved because a promise EVEN WORSE TRASH…

What should I do?

Every person has priorities in their life. Making decision, choosing a lifestyle, and even reacting to stimulus are mostly based on their own priority. Priorities could show what their trully love are..

Freedom and family.. they were once on my top list of priorities.. more than anything else, even God… and those are what I actually love the most…

My family.. my parents.. they priorities family value and money..
I might not agree with what they value the most.. But all I can do is to tell them with what I think is right and whatever the result, I will support them anyway… Since they are what I value the most…

Family value and money is not only what they love.. but its become to what they proud of.. its their achievement.. its their identity, and dignity..

I guess it happened to every person.. Their priorities are making them who or what they are…

If there was a servant in a warm castle in dead of winter, and I am freezing traveler in the snow outside his doorstop, he might invite me in to warm myself by the fire in an inner room. But I, looking through his open doorway, would see no fire, but only the fireless outer room, and I would have to trust his promise that I could get warm ‘if I only stepped inside’, judging the legitimacy of that promise on the basis of characteristics about him–the fact that he was not dressed heavily for the cold, that his hands actually felt warm, that he SEEMED to radiate honesty, and that he could make descriptive statements about the fire.

If I insisted that I would not take that first step into the castle until I could actually SEE the fire in the inner room, I would obviously have to stay in the cold…

Of course, if his hands were COLD instead of warm, he was shivering, and he was dressed in heaviest furs, I would suspect duplicity, and be wise to take my chances with the snow and wolves, than with a fellow human with dishonesty in his heart, leading me into who-knows-what treachery…

I feel a little like the servant in that story…I am very, very warmed by the Fire but am limited to sharing with you the warmth of my hands, my ‘non-verbal’ expressions, the way I dress, and the grossly insufficient language to describe such a robust thing as a fire…

Ini hanya illustrasi buat Kerajaan Tuhan Jesus Christ… We will always invite u in with warm welcome…

Abis bengong lama…
lama banget sampe ga kerasa ternyata dah berjam jam…
dah beberapa kali aku bengong trus…
bengong ngayal…
bengong mikir…
seandainya aku di laen tempat dan punya hidup yg laen…

kenapa sih koq bengong trus…
apa aku belon puas apa yg di dapeti…
apa masih serakah dan berambisi untuk yg laen…

….

ga juga sih…
justru sometimes i wonder…
koq aku di beri anugerah yg berlimpah…
koq Tuhan ini salah sih kasih orang…
give this much for a small person like me…

Gini…
aku sekarang kerja di Balikpapan…
bantu ortuku nerusin dan memperbesarkan usahanya …
well.. ga tau kalo orang laen.. tapi yang jelas bagiku, hal yang paling membosankan di dunia adalah "cari uang"..

aku ga mau hidup mewah
aku ga mau foya foya
aku bahkan ga mau buang duit buat beli mobil hp dll..
aku simple..
hanya ingin spend my life as simple as it get…

tapi…
koq susah ya ninggal semuanya…
dillema jadinya…
harapan orang tua untuk anaknya jadi sukses dan kaya…
balas budinya aku ke mereka…
dan satu lagi….
sayang juga sih ninggal kekayaan gini…
ternyata di hatiku masih tersisa "greed"..

HUH!

Yg ku inginkan adalah kebebasan…
aku ingin pergi saat aku inginkan…
aku ingin duduk baca buku santai santai saat aku pengen..
aku ingin ….

Apa itu selfish untuk menjalani apa yg kita inginkan…
apa itu egois untuk menerima kebebasan?…
aku kan ga melanggar hak orang…
tapi kenapa aku sekarang terkekang!!
terkekang dengan uang…

Aku benci uang…
benci sekali…
kemaren dia kuremas dengan hati jengkel…
ingin kurobek.. kubakar… kulenyapkan…!!

Sedih aku… kecewa terhadap diriku sendiri…
ternyata aku ga mampu melakukannya…
ingin nangis rasanya… mengetahui diriku afterall kalah kuasa ama uang…
terngiang suara ortuku… untuk hidup buat masa depan..
bekerja untuk keluarga…
bisa memberikan mereka hidup yang lebih baik…

Tapi apa itu hidup yang baik!!
apa dengan punya uang banyak tapi jadi budaknya!!

Kubuka dan kubaca lagi buku hidupku…
Teringat lagi…
karena uang, aku jadi jarang kumpul ama ortuku…
karena uang, aku jadi sombong dan semena mena..
karena uang, aku jadi serakah…
Karenanya lagi… aku jadi bisa melakukan apa yg seharusnya aku ga boleh…
terparahnya…
karena uang, aku terpisah ama orang yg kusayangi…
seharusnya dia bisa pulang dan datang ke aku…
akhirnya kehalang karena dia mesti cari kerjaan…
sampi akhirnya kita pisah…
akhir akhirnya uang lagi…

HUH!!

Pathetic…
Gagal ngurus diri sendiri koq nyalahin uang…
Naif…

tapi…

aku dah ga tahan…
kenapa koq apa yg kuusahakan berhasil menghasilkan uang lebih banyak…
kenapa koq ga di gagalkan dan aku bangkrut…
Sehingga dah ga ada modal untuk usaha dan ahirnya kerja biasa biasa dan simple…
Kenapa sih aku ini…
Semakin banyak uang aku semakin kepikiran memperbesar perusahaan sehingga bisa menghasil kan lebih banyak lagi…
emang gitu banyak buat apa sih??
buat isa hidup??
kalo itu mah dah cukup!!
trus buat apa!!

Huh!

Ga tau deh jawabannya
Makanya aku bengong..
Apa aku memilih jalan yang benar…
apa aku bisa tersenyum puas dan bangga atas hidup yg telah kujalani saat aku menjelang "pergi"?
Ga tau juga…
Ah bengong aja lagi…

"Life is not measure by how many breath you have took away… But how many times you experienced thing that took your breath away"

I looked out the window and saw many couples having candle light dinner on the cafe just beside the beach in Balikpapan… Today is Valentine day… I went to that cafe cause they offer a free internet access so I can check email and blogges…

Then I read one of my favourite blog… A blog of a girl that I always have high couriosity to know how is she doing… It always took me more than a min to make me able to take my eyes off her… Look so real and close, but out of my grasp..

I remember a story that i made it up long ago…

There WERE a being but made of two person… Called "ACU"
These two "ACU" were and maybe still love each other… They are one actually… Even they were different, they tried so hard to adjust to each other and look for a same value of life…
Learn together to be a better person and become one..
One of the ACU walk very fast, and the other one walk pretty slow…
The one on the front always questions, why my half walked so slow??
The one on the back asked a same question, why "acu" walked so fast??
And they never have a chance to meet again…
But even they were in different places, they were still one… and believe that they could meet someday…
But someday, one of the "ACU" choosed a different path.. a path that against their own value… from then they apparted..
Just like a flesh that cut unto two.. The wound hurt so bad that both of them felt a terrible pain…
Wound that might be never healed… and even if it healed… even if they dont feel the pain anymore… The wound will left a lifetime mark…
A mark that always remind them…
That they were one…
that they were an "ACU"

For my half acu, I would like to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for your care and love… and forgive me for the mistake I have done.. and my lack of ability to keep you happy and cheerful like the way you do before you know me… Wherever you are, I will always pray for your happiness… And please do not feel that you are alone.. cause my mark always remind me… Remind me not the pain.. but You and the good memory we had when we were one…

As long as we still breathing, Upil will keep be there and stick inside our nose.. Then the finger will keep cleaning it up if we willing to ask and receive our finger to clean the upils… But then upil will never stop filling it up your nose..

Upil is just like sins! And our finger is just like God..

We will keep sinning and God keep cleaning us up from the sin, if we ask forgiveness and receive Him…

But then, we will keep sinning.. over and over again…

I just hope when the day has come… when i will take my last breath…

There will be no UPIL, stick inside my nose…

To feel relieved, you must endure the disgust of cleaning up UPILS *yuks*